Why You Feel Stuck Despite Having Everything: Breaking Free From the Should vs Want Trap

You've got the stuff. The job title, the house, the relationship that gives other people #couplesgoals…

So why do you feel like you're living someone else's life?

If you're nodding right now, welcome to what I call the "should vs want trap"—that soul-crushing space where you're checking all the boxes society handed you while completely ignoring what you actually want.

How Society Programmed You to Want the Wrong Things

Here's what I’ve come to learn: almost everything you think you "should" want isn't really yours.

It’s what we have been told we should want. From our parents, society, advertisers, social media….the list goes on and on.

We're trying to keep up with goals and expectations that aren’t even our own. 

Think about it. When did you decide you needed that promotion? Was it because it genuinely excited you, or because it's what you're "supposed" to want at your age? When did you choose your lifestyle? Or did your lifestyle choose you based on what everyone else was doing?

Society is basically a pushy salesperson who never stops pitching you someone else's dream life. And we keep buying it because we've forgotten how to recognize our own voice.

The Hidden Cost of Living Someone Else's Dream

Living in the "should" space is exhausting in a way that's hard to explain. You're working your ass off, maybe even crushing it by external standards, but it feels hollow. Like you are going through the motions just because you don’t know what else to do. 

Here's how this shows up in real life:

Sunday Scaries That Have Nothing to Do With Monday's Workload You know that pit in your stomach every Sunday evening? That's not about your to-do list. That's your soul telling you something's off.

Achieving Goals That Feel Like Nothing You hit the milestone you've been working toward for months, and instead of celebration, you feel... empty. Like, "That's it? This is what I was supposed to want?"

Feeling Like You're Watching Your Life Happen to Someone Else You're living your life but not really living it. It's like being the observer of your own existence.

Success That Tastes Like Cardboard You've got everything you're supposed to want, but it doesn't feel like winning. It feels like participating in someone else's game.

How to Find Your Authentic Wants Buried Under Years of Programming

Underneath all the "shoulds" is a quieter voice—your authentic wants and desires. But this voice has been buried under years of conditioning, practical concerns, and other people's opinions.

Your real wants might sound impractical. They might not make sense to your family. They might even seem selfish or impossible at first glance.

But here's what I've learned in my own journey and helping others: the gap between who you are and who you think you should be is usually much smaller than it appears.

You don't need to blow up your entire life to start living authentically. You just need to start paying attention to what actually energizes you versus what drains you.

The Life-Changing Power of One Intentional Day

Instead of trying to redesign your entire existence (which is overwhelming and usually fails), try this: Pick one day. Just one Tuesday.

Ask yourself: If I could design this Tuesday exactly how I wanted it—within my current constraints and responsibilities—what would it look like?

Maybe you want to:

• Start your morning with coffee and a book instead of immediately checking email

• Take your lunch break outside instead of eating at your desk like a hamster

• Say no to one commitment that makes you want to hide under a blanket

• Spend your evening learning something that actually interests you instead of mindlessly scrolling

  
  

This isn't about perfection. It's about practicing what it feels like to choose want over should, even in small ways.

How Small Changes Create Big Transformations

Here's what's powerful about starting small: honoring your wants in tiny ways builds your "want recognition" muscle. You start noticing the difference between what lights you up and what dims your energy.

Between what you choose and what chooses you. One intentional Tuesday becomes a template. Not for the perfect life, but for an aligned one.

You'll start asking different questions:

• What part of today felt most like me?

• When did I feel most energized?

• What would I do differently tomorrow?

Your Permission Slip to Start Living Authentically

This week, become a detective of your own life. Pay attention to your "should vs want" moments. Notice when you're operating from obligation versus choice. When you're living someone else's priorities versus your own.

You don't have to quit your job or move to Bali or dramatically overhaul everything tomorrow. But you can start recognizing the difference between a life you're supposed to want and a life you actually want.

The person you're meant to become isn't some future version of yourself. They're already here, waiting for you to stop living everyone else's expectations and start honoring your own.

Maybe it's time to give yourself permission to want what you want.

What would that look like for you?